Adrenaline Management Session
Following up this morning’s post, I wanted to say what it was like to manage excitement at the poker table. I played a 3-hour session at Wynn 2/5. I bought in for 200 (the minimum) & topped up as necessary to keep my stack there.
Playing with 40bbs (20 when the straddle was on) was pretty weird. I pretty much had no excuse for playing small pairs or suited connectors, so my already-slender VPIP went down a notch. This left me with more time to examine my emotional state.
Fortunately I got premiums 4 times during the session:
Raise and take it with KK
Raise & take it on the flop with AA
Take it on the turn with AA
Getting stacked with AA on the button versus a set
What I noticed the first time I got aces is that the adrenaline immediately began pumping. I was focused on stacking all those glorious chips that were going to come my way. After all, I deserved it. I’d been folding patiently, virtuously for an hour.
The next time I played a premium I kept more in the moment. I was happy to have them, happy to have an overpair, but not panting with excitement.
It seemed to me that one problem with excitement is that it turns into a reinforcing, positive feedback loop. I’m excited so I breathe faster so I get more excited & my breath pounds & that gets me more excited. What I wanted to do in the moment was go ahead and experience the excitement but then let it go. I still have a hand to play.
Dune introduced the Litany Against Fear, including the phrase, “I will allow it [fear] to pass over me & through me.” That’s what I’m going for here. I want to feel excitement but not in an exciting way.
The other problem I noticed with excitement is more particular to my background. I grew up in a volatile, abusive household. Some survivors of abuse form highly tuned radars for emotions. If an abusive parent it about to go off, early detection is a survival skill. However, combine my radar with the lack of boundaries that come with surviving abuse & sometimes I don’t know whose emotions are whose.
On the set vs AA hand, I felt excited even though I was suspicious about the hand. As I was buying back in I realized that the excitement I was experiencing was really the villain’s. I was just vibrating sympathetically like a tuning fork.
Bad news/good news. In big pots somebody always has a reason to be excited. There’s always lots of emotions sloshing around. As a Feeling Antenna, I’m always going to feel excited in a big pot, whether it’s about my hand or accidentally about the villain’s hand. The good news is that if I can learn to distinguish between my emotions and the villain’s, I’ll have a powerful tool for getting reads.
(I’ve noticed sympathetic feelings before in other contexts & learned to distinguish “mine” & “theirs”.)
Lessons
Notice reinforcing excitement loops & let them go. I find frequencies to be helpful for this, when I remember to evaluate them. AA is the best hand pre-flop. By the time big money is going in on the turn or river it’s usually fairly far down the list.
Notice the source of my excitement. My own genuine feels smell different than feelings induced in me by others. Apply this at the poker table. (I need at least a couple of sessions where this is the main goal.)
Playing short feels weird. I got some judgmental comments. I let them slide off me. There’s no way some frustrated pro is going to have any clue about why I’m doing what I’m doing & it’s none of their business anyway.
I’ve been mumming it up, which also feels weird. People were talking about royal flushes & I wanted to pull out my PLO8 royal story. But why? Why I do care? I really don’t need to talk at the table at all. Until I have my emotional game more settled I’m going to stick to my knitting.